"Look, there he is! Come here everybody! I've found him!", the
very thin man yelled as he pointed at the sleeping bald man in front
of him.
The shrill sound from the thin yelling man, woke up Jesper who said:
"Uhhh?"
The thin man, who recently had yelled in Moon-Bleepish, switched to
English and said with an accent similar to that of a Finn who had been
taught English from a Chinese that recently learned some English from
a book without pronunciation instructions and written by a
word-blind Greek:
"You is or here or. We am glad has par cell, please!"
"Uhhh?", Jesper repeated, this time sounding even more confused.
In the meantime a lady, that unlike the thin man hadn't slept through
English class, took over the conversation that up to now hadn't
reached any higher intellectual level.
"Our hero! Nothing we can say or do can ever show how much we
appreciate what you've done for us. You have ended a long era of
slavery and tyranny, caused by the evil creatures from the big
planet."
"I have?", Jesper responded in a way that made it obvious that Jesper
wasn't specially intelligent this morning.
"Oh, you are all too modest, dear friend. But to honor you we have
decided that this day for always will be 'Saint Jesper's liberation
day'."
Jesper felt proud. Imagine that, someone had named a day after someone
with the same name as him. The lady kept on talking:
"We have talked to your two helpers, Darren and Olivia. They have
explained to us that you were the brain behind the bald.. Sorry,
bold rescue operation yesterday. So, we have also decided that you
should get 'The ultimate reward'."
"The ultimate reward'', Jesper repeated. The name made Jesper slightly
curious. At least curious enough to ask:
"What's that?"
"You will soon find out, but I can promise you that you will not be
disappointed."
Now the word 'slightly' wasn't the proper word to describe the
curiosity level Jesper felt. He started to jump up and down
screaming:
"Please! Please tell what it is. Tell me right now!!"
The lady looked at Jesper. Somehow Jesper's reaction didn't agree with
the behavior that she had expected from the 'mastermind' that had
fooled the Bleepic women yesterday. She said:
"Follow me, and we will have the ceremony where we will hand over your
reward right away."
Jesper started to wonder what the gift could be. Lots of gold maybe,
or diamonds. Unless... An unpleasant idea occurred in the bald sphere
above Jesper's shoulders.
What if they gave him something that was very unusual and expensive on
this planet, but common and worthless on earth, or even worse what if
they gave him something that he had to pay value-added tax for when
he returned to earth. But on the other hand he might get something
that he could get a tax refund on. However, since it was a gift and
Jesper obviously shouldn't get a receipt, a tax refund would
probably be hard to get. Since, the normal
Jesper didn't think
very fast, his ideas that only took 10--15 seconds to read, actually
took about half an hour to develop in Jesper's brain.
Half an hour, was also equal to the the time the walk to the ceremony
place took, so after he was done thinking of the economical
consequences of his gift, he now could actually see his gift.
The gift was nicely wrapped up with a colorful wrapping and a big
pink rosette on top. Before anyone had the chance to begin a speech,
Jesper ran to the parcel, and started to open it. The audience
that were gathered for the ceremony all looked astonished at the bald
man who eagerly torned the parcel into little pieces. When the process
of opening the parcel was completed, Jesper twitched as he looked at
the content of the parcel.
Inside the parcel was a person looking similar to the inhabitants of
the moon. The content of the parcel said:
"I'm your present! I'm called 'The ultimate reward', but you can call
me Robert, or Bob if you like."
Jesper, who had got the impression that the people here were against
all forms of serfdom and slave trading, said suspiciously:
"What exactly do you mean when you say that you are my present?"
"You own me!"
"Own?"
"Yes, and you haven't seen the best of me yet", Robert said
and pulled down the fly of his pants and exposed his lower abdomen.
Jesper turned his head away, a head that had started to turn
red. Robert, who didn't look the slightest embarrassed, continued:
"Have you ever seen anyone this well equipped. You can move my stick
in the middle, and you will see what will happen."
This was too much for Jesper, who turned around and gave Robert a box
on his ear, and screamed:
"You filthy, smutty and dirty pig!"
Then Jesper stopped. Under Robert's pants was a mechanical stick, and
six hand wheels. Jesper stammered out:
"You... You are a robot!"
"Yes didn't I mention that?"
"No, you didn't!!!"
"Sorry. Let me explain the function of the stick and the wheels."
Jesper nodded, so Robert continued:
" Here comes a short users instruction