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The city was crowded with tourists, talking in one language stranger
than another. One man, with a South American look, that seemed to be
very lost, were talking for himself:
"¡Mama Mia! ¡Yo soy un Blurpo! ¿Que es? ¿Porque mio?"
Jesper twitched. The man had said 'Blurpo'. Could it mean that the
man had been drinking the... No, 'Blurpo'
probably meant 'Have anybody seen my umbrella' or something like that.
However, during the next few minutes Jesper heard several
confusing looking
people that talked with words that no white man could understand.
Nevertheless,
words like 'Blurpi', 'EBlurpo', 'Blurpa' or 'Blurpen' appeared
in all sentences.
But it wasn't until he heard two English talking men, obviously from
different sides of the Atlantic saying
- "Yo man! What's a fucking Blurp?"
- "I beg your pardon, sir. It would indeed
please me if you could give me a rather adequate translation
of the word 'Blurp'."
that he knew that something was wrong. Jesper started to walk to the
opposite direction of all the men that said the word 'Blurp', and
ended up outside a restaurant. Above the door to the restaurant
was a sign with paint still dripping saying:
' A taste of the extraterrestrial! Opens today. Half price!'
Jesper looked into the restaurant. The only persons he could see in
the restaurant was two body builders. They sat at a table and cried.
Jesper walked in. One of the body builders slowly looked up.
When he saw Jesper he said sadly:
"Jesper, my dear friend. We meet again."
Jesper sat down at the table,
very surprised that the anabolic steroid
seemed to know him. The athletic man noticed the confused
expression on Jesper's face and said:
"Even though you always seem to have a more or less confused facial
expression, I can see that you don't recognize me. I am the
alien that bought your toaster yesterday!"
Jesper's face more and more looked like a nesting-box.
The interpretation
from the rather intelligent alien of Jesper's growing mouth,
was that Jesper needed some more details. Thus, he continued:
"We managed to fix our spacecraft, using the spare parts
you provided.
We even flew for a
moment. However, there was one thing we forgot. When the toaster got
warm it spit out the inserted remote control, with an engine
brake down and a crashed saucer
as a result.
We landed a few kilometers from here,
near a mysterious cottage. After knocking at the cottage door,
we saw that the cottage was
owned by an old lady with a big nose.
The old lady, who by the way reminded me of a 'big-nosed' girl
I met recently, called herself Grandma Big-Nose.
Since we were two hungry aliens the lady gave us some food.
She made her specialty, omelet with bat-wings. After we ate the food
the most incredible thing happened. Our bodies started to go
back to normal. Tjoobee,", the alien pointed at his friend,"
who has the brain, and who is economically trained,
realized a way for
us to earn big bucks. His idea was that we should sell our
Special Diet Home Brew Drink very cheap,
then sell the bat-wing omelet
very expensive. At first it all worked out fine.
All our customers turn
into the strangest things after just one of our drinks. It was very
amusing to watch, and it was very lucrative too, since the
customers paid very much for the omelet that turned
them back to normal. However, after a while the Special Diet Home Brew
Drink seemed to loose its power.
Everyone just started to ask us what a Blurp is.
How should we know that? Even worse was that they also realized
that a bat-wing omelet is disgusting to eat! By the way. Was is
the Blurp they are talking about?"
After the alien had finished
Jesper got an intellectual facial expression, very different from his
normal look. The signals in his brain no longer got stuck in closed
paths, and his IQ gradually reach a three digit number.
This phenomenon, that occurred inside Jesper's head,
had only happened once before.
One funny coincidence between the two occasions was that both times
the intelligence boast was that a question about Blurps was involved
both times.
With the aid of his new thinking ability Jesper said:
"Considering the molecular structure of your
Special Diet Home Brew Drink and air composition on earth, it is
pretty obvious that a contact between these two elements causes an
reduction in the physical reconstruction of humans. To keep the
initial effect you must keep the extra terrestrial substance in an air
tight container."
Tjoobee, that until recently had looked down at the table, twitched
and looked at Jesper. Finally he had met his intellectually equal.
He said:
"Of course! Luckily we still have a lot of the Special Diet Home
Brew Drink in our space craft. However, we are out of bat wings."
"I have a plan. Let's discuss it over some food. Do you know any
good restaurant?"
"Well, we are in a restaurant right now... But a good one you
said. There is one right over the street."
They all three left the newly started restaurant. Even though the
traffic rules among the natives merely are regarded as 'an interesting
suggestion if you don't have more important things to do', all three
manage to walk over the street without being hit by any vehicle.
They walked into the restaurant on the other side of the street.
The owner of the restaurant had been in a very bad mood all day. A new
restaurant had opened very close to his. The number of diner guest had
almost halved today. However, his luck seemed to change. The two
owners of the new restaurant came to him to eat!! This could only mean
one thing. The food was much better in his restaurant. He
instantaneously figured out an
new advertisement for his restaurant:
'The place were restaurant owners go
when they want to eat something really tasty.'
He got his pocket camera to take a picture to put on the front door.
After taking the picture,
he showed the men to a table near a window.
Half a minute later a waiter came to take their orders.
Jesper, who liked to live dangerous, ordered something on the menu
written in French.
He only knew four words in French, of which none were included
the name of his ordered meal.
After convincing the aliens to have the same he ordered
for them also. The waiter had to struggle not to fall into a
roar of laughter caused by Jesper's really horrible pronunciation
of the ordered meal. However, after thinking of the visit
to his mother-in-law this afternoon, the waiter calmed down.
He wrote down the
order on his note-pad and walked away.
Then Jesper told Tjoobee and Beetjoo
(the name of the other alien) about his plan:
"If I understand you correctly the Special Diet Home Brew
Drink is no problem for you.
It is the shortage of batwings that is your problem?"
Tjoobee and Beetjoo nodded, and Jesper continued:
"Have you noticed the huge cave outside the city.
The cave the inhabitants call erdscavidursk.
Bats loves caves.
I bet it is millions of the little fellows in the cave.
Let's go bat-hunting."
Jesper was interrupted by the waiter who came with their meals.
Jesper at first thought he should ask the waiter what the ingredients
was, but he then, after studying his plate,
got a strong feeling that it was best if he didn't
know. Then they ate. Anyone that have been far away from home knows
that few things travel faster than foreign food through
a first time tourist.
Tjoobee and Beetjoo was very far away from home.
The food, with the strange French name,
came as a chock to the interior
of the aliens. They started to glance around with worried facial
expression. They soon noticed a sign that said toilet in
seven different languages.
In less than two seconds both the two aliens
had disappeared through the door under the sign. A few minutes later
the waiter came to Jesper and said:
"Is you name Jesper? If it is, there is a phone call for you."
Even though Jesper felt surprisingly intelligent right now,
he had no idea who had called him. Especially since the only persons
who knew were he was,
had very important things to do in the next room.
He walked away to the phone and picked it up.
"Hello?"
A very familiar voice on the other side of the phone responded:
"Sweetheart! It's me! Olivia!"
"How...? How...? How...?"
"How did I find you, you mean?"
Jesper nodded(!). Olivia continued:
"But darling, don't you remember? I'm psychic! I always know were you
are! Why did you leave the circus place?"
The owner of the restaurant came back from a short visit to
the kitchen. He immediately noticed that the table at
the window was empty. He said to himself:
"I knew it! The bastards! Not only are they planning to put me out
of business through fierce competition, now they also dodge payment.
But I will learn them who they are messing with!"
He took up his portable phone and dialed the number to the police.
When the police had answered restaurant owner said:
"Hello Phil, it is your brother.
I'll have a description for three grave criminals.
Two very athletic men,
and one bald man with two missing fingers.
The best thing is, I have a photography of them."
The voice on the other side of the phone said:
"A bald man with two fingers missing! What a description!
We need no photo.
We have him
arrested in no-time, since it is not likely to be more than one
that fits that description."
At that precise moment a charted airplane landed on Fiji airport.
The plan contained all but one of the 23 members of
a very strange society on a study trip to Fiji.
By a rather funny coincidence, the 23:rd member who was the president
of the society, was already on Fiji....
Next: The cave with
Up: No Title
Previous: Fijihere we
Patrik &
Thu Feb 26 10:10:12 MET 1998