The secret of immortality

After a long walk they finally arrived at Jesper's house. Sally said:
"This place really smells." Jesper looked around quickly and said:
"Be quiet. It's the mouse's after shave." Sally laughed:
"That's some kind of after-save! What is it ? Eau-de-Elephant?"
At that moment the mouse ran into the room and started to talk wearing his blue shoes and red hat. After looking at Sally he cried:
"I thought you loved me Jesper. Now I'm not going to tell you the secret of immortality." Then he ran away into the kitchen and ate some cheese.
"I can't believe that you actually are living with a mouse instead of a woman. Can you give me one good reason why?", cried Sally.
"It eats for one cent a day, never wants a fur coat, never tells me how to dress and doesn't spend half an hour doing its makeup every time we go out."
"I asked for one reason", Sally said and added," I might switch Christine for a pet mouse if it's as good as you say."
Sally was silent for a moment and then said:
"But how is it in bed?"
"Not good I'm afraid. It eats the mattress. It's always hungry. Wouldn't you be if you ate for just one cent a day?"
"No I'm anorexic and I don't eat anything at all. But I don't think hunger is the only reason why it eats the mattress!"
Then the mouse walked angrily into the room again. This time wearing purple gloves on its ears and yellow shoes. It looked at Jesper and squeaked out something, then ran out of the house slamming the door behind.
"What did it say?", Sal asked.
"I don't know. I think it was talking Arabic."
"Shit! It must moonlight as a telephone operator."
"I'm sure the mouse wrote the secret formula of eternal life on some cheese, so lets put plans A, B and C into action."
"What are they?"
"Plan A is to talk to the mouse, so it will tell us everything."
"The mouse has left."
"Plan B is in case the mouse has left. We must find the cheese."
"And plan C?"
"Plan C is to throw away all the mouse traps."
"Lets put the plans into action.", said Sally and she then started to look for some cheese. One minute later Sally declared:
"OAAAIIIIEEE, shit, shit and shiiiiiit!!!"
"What's the matter honey, did you say anything?"
"Nothing REAALLY, it's just that, OH my GOOOOOD, I was planning to do plan B but it turned out to be plan C."
"I remember you from school. You were not particularly bright. Do you still not know one letter from another?"
"Go stick your head in a gas oven!"
As they where arguing the mouse appeared looking really terrible. It's eyes were bulging and red, and it was shaking.
"Hey, what's wrong mouse?", asked Sal," Have you seen the cat next door?"
Jesper said:
"But there is no cat next door."
Sal wondered why she was surrounded by idiots. Suddenly the mouse flipped over on it's back, shaking like a vibrator. With great difficult it manage to say:
"Heroin! I need more. Can you lend me $2000?"
Sal now saw her chance and walked forward to the mouse and said:
"I'll give you $2000 if you tell me the secret of immortality."
"Avoid to die.", said the mouse and put out his little red tongue and made a face.
"Stop asking him questions.", said Jesper and added:
"The chance that he'll tell you his secret is as big as Ronald Reagan joining the communist-party."
"He has already done that.", Sally said," He was afraid that the communist party was growing, but with Reagan as a member no communist in the US wants to join the communist-party."
"We should invite him to join the 'Fermented Baltic Herring'-party."
Sally laughed then cried.
"Look! There is the cheese. But it's green."
"Oh, well.", said Jesper and ate it, "At least I don't have to cook dinner."
"But we have no more clues."
"Wait, look at the mouse. It's tapping out a code with it's foot. Let me translate it M..I..C..K..E..Y, I wonder what that means."
"Mickey, it sounds like the name of..... well, a mouse!"
"Be serious now, will you?"
"M.. More Investigations Could Kill Every Yne."
"But you don't spell one with a Y, and furthermore everyone is just one word."
"I know that.... but does he?", said Sally and added:
"Have you ever heard of a mouse that could spell."
"Hmmm... An interesting point, but what investigations are there that could kill everyone?"

Before Sally gave her answer, an answer that perhaps should make this confused situation cristal clear, she noticed in the corner of her eye that the mouse wasn't breathing. She ran to the mouse and tried the 'mouth-to-nose-method.' After a minute the mouse woke up and said:
"My God. I think I'm in love."
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It must be noted that on another planet at that exact moment a thing with five eyes, 79 legs and a brain, the size of television, discovered that it had lost the key to its house and was thus, locked out. Ironically, the thing knew the secret to immortality, but because of the shock of not finding the key, it had a series of seven heart-attacks and then walked around the neighborhood proclaiming it was the savior of the Universe. It was eventually killed by a heard of lions.
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After this note, back to our heroes, where the mouse is lying on his knees, asking for Sal's hand, but since Sal could find a reason to keep her left hand she had to say no.

She walked to Jesper and said:
"I..."|\

Then the phone started ringing:
"I wonder who it is.", mused Jesper.
"Maybe it's my long lost aunt telling me she left five million in her will for me, or it could be the postman or even the king. Gee, I hope it's the king. Perhaps it's my mother or a politician. I wish those politicians would stop calling me. I know! It could be someone dialing the wrong phone number, or someone wanting me to send money to the frog farm charity...."
He picks up the phone.
"That's strange, they hung up. That always happens."

The mouse sat up and said:
"But I want Sal's hand." Jesper laughed:
"Mice, don't eat hands."
"I want to marry her and after our first child I will tell her the secret of immortality.", said the mouse. Before anyone could open their mouths, a mysterious stranger walked in and pointed at the mouse:
"Don't believe anything that he says. He is a chronic lier... He already has a wife."
Sal said: "Who are you?"
"I own a circus and the mouse was in it. If you think he talks good you should see his King-Kong imitations."
"So you know this mouse. Tell me what kind of mouse is it ? It seems quite big to me.", Sal said.
"What sort you mean. I don't know. Alan and I didn't decide any special sort of mouse."
"Who's Alan?"
"The man in the mouse-disguise of course, who else?"
"Do you mean to say that the mouse isn't really a mouse but a man?" asked Jesper turning white.
"Yes of course, and it's very sad because Alan ate too much and now he can't get out of the disguise." Sally whispered:
"But is it true that he knows the secret to immortality?"
The man started laughing really loudly:
"Hahahahaha"
"What's so funny? ", asked Jesper.
"Well, because of the disguise, hahahaha, Alan can't speak clearly. You see, before he joined my circus he used to work in a business that imported Italian tea, not immortality, hahaha."
"But that's terrible!", shouted Sal and Jesper together.
"Yes, Italian tea isn't very nice."
Jesper put on his brightest smile and said with triumph in his, voice:
"I understand! You mean I should drink a whole lot of that Italian tea and then I will not die."
"Oh, my God is his brain made of dog shit?", asked the circus man.
"There's no need do talk condescending, and specially not about dog droppings!"
"Sorry."
Even though Jesper hadn't understood that the others were making fun of him, he suddenly started crying.
"What's the matter?" asked Sal concernedly.
"I just remembered that my mother is coming down to visit me."
"What's so bad about that?" asked the circus man.
"She thinks she is Hitler." said Jesper.
"But that's really funny." laughed Sally.
"Not if she tries to burn you." Jesper sobbed.
"I see, and she once managed, and that's why you have no hair." said the circus man.
"I was born without any hair."
"Oh, so you have always been bald headed?"
"No, it started to grow as soon as I was born. But that's not important. I lost my hair doing an experiment."
"What experiment?"
"I was doing, love me, love me not, love me, love me not, with my hair."
"And the result?"
"Not! She couldn't stand me since I became bald headed."
Sally patronized: "Well, you look kind of cute bald."
Jesper sniggered: "That's true. I mean, have you ever seen an ugly tomato."
"Why do you ask?"
"I just wondered, that's all. Talking about tomatoes, you should see what I have done to my mother."
"Have you painted her red?"
Jesper giggled: "No, I painted her green. She thinks she's an alien now."
Sally frowned in thought and said:
"Maybe there's a chance the circus man will make her an exhibit at the circus. We can put two sticks on her head, for the authentic extra terrestrial touch."
Before anyone could say what a great idea it was, the door opened and two small, fat and ugly aliens ran in crying.